I love CostCo. It is a damn good thing that the nearest one is about 40 minutes from my house or I quite possibly would be living on the streets by now. The streets outside of CostCo of course. Every time I go there, I blow some huge amount of money that I didn't even really know I had in the first place. Yes, I went there on Saturday. I spent $244. Of course, I justify the amount by saying that I don't usually buy 60 bucks worth of iTunes gift certificates. So, right there I "really" only spent $184. That's under 200 dollars. That's not bad, right!? Then, I say that I don't normally buy the most lovely feeling gummy pants I've ever come across that actually fit my ever-expanding stomach for 20 bucks either. I mean, c'mon, now we're down to $164! Who goes to CostCo and spends less than that (I only go about every 2-3 months, mind you). I suppose I could've resisted the Fair Trade Belgian truffles but geez people, they are FAIR TRADE! How do you pass that up? After all, it's Christmas, right? Lighten up already.
The bulk of my Saturday was spent traversing to the Lake Zurich area to visit my divine CostCo. The weather was really crappy. Snowing like mad. My mom made it to my house about 10 and we headed on down there. Of course, it was great. Why do I love that place so? I don't even really know. Maybe just because it's not affiliated with WalMart! Anyway, afterwards we went to lunch and to Jamba Juice. That's another place it's good I don't have by me or I'd be going there every day to get the Berry Fulfilling. After lunch (by now close to 3pm!) we headed back home. By the time we got to my house there was so much snow down that we couldn't get my mom's car up the driveway!! Brad had to come out and truck my wares up to the house. After that trip I was exhausted and decided to take a little nap in the recliner in front of the tree. By the time I woke up 2 hours later, there was about 5 inches of snow on the ground. At that point we decided to just stay in for the evening. I had checked out Sicko from the library so we watched that and proceeded to get majorly depressed before going to bed to read a bit before turning in for the night. I'd say we got close to 9" of snow from Saturday through Sunday early morning!
Rewind to Friday night. We went to my coworker's cocktail party after work. It was ok but would've been much better had I had the rosy glow of 3 glasses of expensive champagne in me. Amazing how that makes an ok party a really fun one. The food was good, though, so I can't complain about that! She really is an excellent cook so we always have very good food. About quarter to 10 my body shut down and I had to leave to get home and get to bed. It's funny how that happens now. I'm going along just fine and then all of a sudden, I need to get to bed NOW. We got home about 10:30 and the phone rang. It was my brother-in-law. Apparently, he hadn't been down in his basement for about 3 days and he went down there for something and the whole thing was flooded. So Brad, being the wonderful human being that he is, headed over there with our ShopVac and didn't get home until close to 1:30am!
Yesterday I had to get myself to church. That was an adventure considering how much snow we'd had and the fact that both of our snowblowers are broken. Gack. Brad shoveled two little paths down the driveway so we could get the car out. Lucky for us by the time we got home, our neighbor had been over with his Bobcat and had cleared our entire driveway. That probably sounds strange but we have a pretty big (and steep) driveway. I watched the Packer game and made some cookie dough before heading back to church for our Longest Night service. It was really a lovely service and I was glad to have gone. I stopped a few places on my way home and then Brad and I just vegged out and watched some tv. I did get more cookie dough made in the evening too. Now I have three batches all mixed and in the fridge so I can cook them up when I have time.
I am totally under prepared for Christmas this year. I think I have been too caught up in my own baby drama. Coming up on Sunday I've having the family girls over for a desserts and apps gathering. And, in between there, I have to do a bunch of shopping and baking and practicing for a service I have to play next Sunday. At least it is finals week here and totally dead so I can sneak off to the practice rooms in the music area and get some practicing done. Shh, don't tell.
In BabyB news, she continues to be moving around in places I can feel. Sometimes she shifts all to one side and my belly gets really hard and almost painful on one side and then completely flabby on the other. It's kind of funny. Did I mention that I've been snoring up a storm. Poor Brad. I guess that's something that can happen in pregnancy. Not good for him and rather embarrassing for me. Last night he finally slept with ear plugs and this morning he proclaimed that it was the best sleep he'd gotten in a month. Well, that makes one of us ;)
Well, I think I am officially feeling the baby move now. I have been wondering for a while now, but now I am more convinced than ever. At first, I would feel these little flutter type things but I wondered if they were just me digesting something. Now, I feel something more like a little thump/bump. I really started noticing it early in the week, between 9-10 at night. Then I noticed it the next night and the next at about the same time! I guess she's already on her own schedule. Now today, I've been feeling it sometimes throughout the course of the day. There will be periods of nothing (she's sleeping, I assume) and then I'll feel some random thumps. I can feel it more on the sides of my belly than right in the middle but there was a point today when I felt a definite thump right in the upper middle portion of my stomach.
I am happy to think that I am finally feeling her. I was starting to wonder when I would. And, of course, I was getting nervous about it. I'm sure I'll be sick of it soon enough/when she starts getting bigger!
I had my regular appointment today with my Doc/OB. First off, I have to say that I think I may need to start eating a little bit more. I've only gained 4 pounds total. And, it was more like 3.5 but I rounded up! Anyway, I was still pretty pleased with that because I have plenty of time to eat and I'm not worried because my doc didn't say a word about it. My blood pressure was great again (which surprised me seeing as how stressed I've been) and the baby's heartbeat was good and strong between 155 and 163 beats per minute.
When the doc came in she asked how I was feeling and I told her about how stressed out I've been with all of this testing and heart thing and thinking about Down's and whatnot. She hasn't gotten the report from St. Joe's yet because I guess they actually dictate everything and then write a report and then actually mail it to her. Geesh! So, we talked about my appointment up there last week and she didn't really seem concerned at all. She said that the doc I had up there (did I mention I looked him up and he's the chief perinatalogist?) was really great and she would trust whatever he told me. She also told me that it really isn't his style to just inform people of what is going on and then to let them make the decisions. She said that if he was concerned he would've pretty much tried to persuade us into the amnio and would've at least made a point of scheduling us for a follow up visit. When she found out that he didn't even say we needed to come back, and we did ask him that, she said it was really unlikely that there was anything wrong. I felt so much better when I heard all of that from her! I can't even tell you!
I am, however, going to go back to see him for a follow up Level II in about 3-4 weeks. We agreed that if it would help my peace of mind, she would go ahead and write a prescription for it. I will also request to have that same guy do it again. She also said that after that ultrasound if I still wanted to I could still get the amnio. She said she had amnios with both of her kids and that she believes the risk of miscarriage to be much lower than all the stats say. She said that she mostly heard of people miscarrying after an amnio who were already at risk for miscarrying. And, with the ultrasound guided procedure they do now, the risk is really much lower anyway. That said, I still don't want to opt in for one quite yet. I would rather go for the follow up and hear what he has to say first.
The good news is, though, I am finally starting to believe that maybe everything is fine with BabyB. Keep sending good thoughts my way!
I thought pregnancy was supposed to be the best, most wonderful thing that any woman could ever experience. Let me tell you, it hasn't been that way for me. It, instead, has been the most difficult, anxiety-ridden, nerve-wracking experience of my life.
Last Tuesday I got the disheartening news that my triple screen blood test came back abnormal for Down's (it also screens for neural tube defects and Trisomy 18). Normal for my age would be 1:410 and mine came back at 1:260. I was a wreck. Even worse, because of the holiday I couldn't get in with a perinatologist up in Milwaukee until the next Tuesday (yesterday). It was probably the worse week of my life. It doesn't matter that the odds are still with you. With the odds I was given, it would still be a less than 1% change that the baby would have Down's. It doesn't matter about all the false abnormal tests you read about. This is YOUR baby and you are devastated to think anything at all could be wrong. Thanksgiving was a nice one at my mother-in-law's but still very difficult. I didn't go to work again until today either because I just couldn't imagine coming here and having to deal with stupid work things while all I could think about was the baby and the abnormal test. I just tried my best to stay busy at home but there was also a lot of crying and worrying and sleeplessness going on.
Fast forward to yesterday. Our appointment was at 1pm. We got up there and went in right away. The perinatologist was exactly the kind of person you want to see come in. He was probably 60 and had a pleasant, kindly manner. I was hoping I wouldn't get someone straight out of med school. Anyway, he started the ultrasound and just really took his time looking at and measuring everything. At one point, he did put the ultrasound into 3D mode and printed out some pictures for us. It was kind of cool and also kind of creepy. The baby still doesn't really look like a true baby. He also told us without a doubt that the baby is a girl. After all the looking around he had his talk with us. First, he told us that there are a number of "hard" markers they look for when looking for Down's. Things like a skin fold on the back of the neck, an abnormal measurement of the nasal bone, and leg, arm, and hand bones that are stunted and/or broad. These markers are more indicative of the baby having Down's. Anyway, he told us that he didn't see ANY of these hard markers. He then went on to talk to us about "soft" markers that they look for as well. These markers are far less indicative of Down's and often occur even in normal fetuses. That said, they can also sometimes indicate a chromosomal abnormality, especially if they see a lot of them. It is my understanding that there are something like 20 soft markers that they look for. Well, our baby does have one of these soft markers. It is a shiny spot on her heart. He said that it is usually a calcium deposit. Apparently, it occurs in normal fetuses as well. Of course, I was heartbroken. I wanted him to say he saw nothing. Nothing at all. He did offer us the amnio which we declined because I am terrified of causing a miscarriage at this point. He was very reassuring telling us that he saw nothing else that would indicate any type of problem. I also read that with ultrasound technology being so much better than it was just a few short years ago that they see things they never would've seen before. He talked to us for quite some time and answered all of our questions thoroughly. At one point we were talking about Down's Syndrome and he was telling us what a misunderstood syndrome it is and how we didn't even come to realize the full spectrum of what people with Down's offer the world yet because until the 1960s many of these people were being institutionalized. At that point he stopped himself and said, "I don't even know why we're talking about this because I don't believe your baby has Down's Syndrome." Of course, he can't say anything about ANY fetus with 100% certainty, but that was really a nice thing to hear. It made me feel much better.....for a while.
After we got home, I started getting anxiety again. I cried and just felt so alone with all this going on. I just want our baby to be perfect. I want the world for her. I feel guilty about that, too. I mean, if my baby did have Down's would I not love her? Of course I would love her. Of course she would still be a light in our lives. But, it is just to damn hard to think about and to worry and fret about all the time.
Today Brad talked to a guy at his work whose wife had their daughter at 38. Apparently she had an abnormal screen as well and then had more than one soft marker for Down's at the level 2 ultrasound. Their baby was born perfectly fine. Also today, Brad talked to a client of his who is an OB down in Ohio. I guess Randy (the OB) called Brad to see how everything went. When Brad told him about the heart thing his response was something like, "Oh God! I don't even know why they use that as a marker!" He told Brad he had never seen a baby with only this heart thing have Down's Syndrome. He said it was much more important and reliable to look at the bones in the hands and to look for the skin fold at the back of the neck. He said he wouldn't be concerned if he were us.
And yet, that's what I am, concerned. Worried. Terrified. Scared to death.
I would never have had that stupid blood test if I knew it would lead to all this worry.
I am just trying to take it one hour at a time and trying to look at all the good news we got yesterday and to look at what the professionals are saying.
Why is it so hard?
Here are the first two little pictures of BabyB. I have two others that are full body images but these two are better quality. I can't believe how much she already looks like a person! I'm already getting used to calling her a she but I suppose I should be careful as she has a small chance of actually being a he! I should point out that the little blob up by her mouth in the second pic is her hand. I think I'm in love! :)
.......very active baby! Hee hee. You thought I was going to say boy or girl, didn't you? Well, I will tell you guys that the ultrasound technician was 95% sure it's a girl! At first she told us it was probably too early still to tell. Then as we got further along she said, "it looks like a girl to me." Then, it was, "I'm pretty sure that's a girl." And finally she said, "Well, if it were a boy I could tell you with 100% certainty but I can say that I'm 95% sure it's a girl." So, for now, we are sticking with a girl. I figure, she's been doing this 17 years so she probably has a pretty good idea of what she's looking at!
Leets, I'm sure you've already felt this way but the whole experience was really the most mind-blowing thing I've ever gone through. It was just amazing to see your child up there on the screen all snuggled inside your body. The tech had to get a bunch of pictures to measure me and at first she could barely get what she wanted to because BabyB was so active. She was whirling and swirling all over the place in there. At one point, the tech was just about to get a pic and the baby flipped completely over. I felt good about that. I figure, if all the parts are moving around and if the baby's that active, it's probably in pretty good shape. I could also very distinctly see 10 fingers and 10 toes. The tech also took some time and showed us the kidneys and the heart and the little butt. The only thing that was a little freakish was the face full frontal. Still a bit alien like because you still see the skeleton pretty well. I did get some pics that the tech printed for me but I'll have to photograph them tonight with my digital and then post them tomorrow.
I will say that all the lost sleep and sickness and general all over crappy feeling was all worth it once I saw that little nut in there.
After we left and made it to the parking lot I had another hormonal pregnant lady break down. I was bawling and laughing hysterically all at the same time. It was just a rush of crazy emotions that I've never felt before. I was supposed to come right to work but I just couldn't so I went and showed my mom the scans instead. Of course, she was ecstatic. We went out for lunch and then I finally came to work about 1. Of course, I've done nothing since I got here and I doubt I will the rest of the day. How can I work when I've just seen my little BabyB for the first time!?
Oh, and it's probably a good thing it's a girl because that's the name we agree on :)
Thanks for all the positive energy shot my way!
DUH! I almost forgot to say that she put me at 17.5 weeks, just one week ahead of where we thought I was. So, I'm still pretty much spot on. Yeah!
We got one thing off our to-do list this weekend. We got our bedroom painted and trimmed and everything back in and all clean and set up. We had just painted it about 2 years ago but neither of us was in love with the color. I was looking for something warm and brown and instead I think we got something that looked more fleshy. It was pretty with the right lighting, but not what either of us had wanted. So, we picked out some new paint and got it all done on Friday night/Saturday. Sarah came on Friday night to help Brad get the wall color up. I just ate Chinese food and then watched TV with my MIL all night. I was so tired I don't think I could've helped. Saturday morning we got up and Brad went to work right away on it. I laid around on the blow up bed in the living room (not pleasant sleeping) until 10:30 and then joined him. We spent a good part of the late morning/early afternoon doing trim. You always think that once you're done with the walls you're almost finished. Until you get to the trim. It's just a pain in the ass. But, we persevered and by about 4pm everything was back in order and our room was freshly painted. The color is a nice, rich cocoa. Much darker than the previous color. I love it.
Unfortunately, even with the walls a great new color, I still slept like crap on Saturday night. I was up every 2 hours just tossing and turning. I can't seem to get comfortable no matter how many pillows I have. Last night I gave up again and took a 1/2 Unisom. At least I slept pretty good. The other bad thing with the sleeping is that my shoulders are terribly sore. I want to sleep on my stomach so badly!
Yesterday we went to church and then to Menards and Lowes to pick up switch plates and look at ceiling fans. After we got home my mom came out and we watched the end of the Packer game and then 3 episodes of ER that I had DVRed ages ago. About 8:30 I completely lost it and puked all over the place. It was a lovely ending to the evening. Gross. I was in bed asleep by 9:45.
So tomorrow is the big ultrasound day. I am just hoping everything looks fine and that my bladder doesn't explode the second they touch me!
What's been your worst experience at a restaurant?
I just had to answer this QoTD because I have a GREAT awful experience to share. I was a junior or senior in high school and my friend, Nate, and I were going to go out for Italian food and then out to see Dracula (remember when that came out!?). Anyway, we went to the restaurant and I ordered the ravioli. When it came, I took a big bite out of it and it was filled with HAIR!!!!! Hair ravioli! It was the nastiest thing I have ever felt in my mouth. Of course, I spit it out and we left. A given I'm sure but I've also never been back to that restaurant. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww
BAB = Big Ass Baby.
I had my 15wk check up today. Well, 15 1/2 week checkup. I'm supposed to be 16 weeks (their calculations) on Friday. Anyway, everything was going fine. I peed in the cup, they checked my weight (officially up only a half pound for my entire first trimester!), and checked my blood pressure (110/72). Then Brad and I went and waited in the little room for the doc. She comes in and we chat a bit and then she gets out the doppler to find BabyB's heartbeat. It didn't take long to locate and I was grateful for that. There is always that little bit of apprehension, you know? The doc told me my belly was cute. I laughed. She said that some people don't look good pregnant and then said that I was one that did. Well, at least I got something along with the pukes, I'm cute! Then she said, "I know you haven't had an ultrasound yet but I think we need to get one within the next week or so." Excuse me!? Turns onut I am measuring pretty large for where I'm supposed to be. She said, "I want to make sure it's not twins." WHHHHAAATTTT!? I almost flipped off the examining table. Anyway, there are one of three things going on here. 1. It's twins and I freak out 2. I'm further along than I thought I was 3. I'm carrying some big ass baby and will be an uncomfortable wreck until it pops out. Needless to say, I'm freaking out about any of these options! It's not like I'm measuring a week ahead or anything. I'm at 15 weeks, supposedly, and I'm measuring at 19. Yowza. So, I guess we'll see. I go back for an ultrasound on Tuesday. 32oz of water 1hr before and no peeing. Yeah, right lady.
In better news, I have felt good so far all day today! I just have some pain in my uterus but it feels like that pulling/stretching stuff and I will take that in exchange for no headache and no upset stomach!!!!!
This post's title can be read two ways, both of which would be correct. I am rundown. I feel exhausted all the time. Last night I went to bed at 9 and didn't get up until 6:30 and I'm still beat. As a result, my weekend wasn't all that worth writing about.
Friday night I got home and laid on the floor in the TV room moaning until Brad got home and got me something to drink and eat. My stomach was acting up something terrible. After a while I felt better and needed to actually eat a meal so we went out to dinner with my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. Well, we went to a steak place. Gross. I ate a few shrimps, a baked potato and a kiddie cocktail. We got home and I went straight to bed, feeling like crap again. I am convinced this baby already hates me.
Saturday I went to Nancy's and went with her and Susie (her sister) to a Tastefully Simple party. Do you guys have that down there? It was fine but again, food is not my friend. Afterwards we went shopping for a bit and then I came home and Brad and I cleaned our bedroom from top to bottom. It actually felt pretty good to get that done as it had been needing it for a while now. Later that night we watched Knocked Up. It was cute, predictable, but cute. By 11pm I had that nasty stomach thing again so I moaned my way to bed.
Sunday I woke up in a terrible funk. I just laid around in bed feeling sorry for myself until about 9. I felt like crap the entire day (stomach, headache, knee pain, I am falling apart!) but I did manage to get myself out for a walk and then I made a pumpkin pie and watched the Packer game. After that, I was exhausted again, so I had to rest :) By 7pm I was feeling like the world was soon going to exit from my stomach so I vegged out in front of the TV before packing it in at 9pm. I figured I wasn't going to feel any better so I may as well go to bed.
I have my third Dr. appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping to hear something encouraging. I don't care what. I am just so tired of being tired and feeling like spittle that I could just spittle all over the place.
Oh, and I have a new best friends. Its name is Tums.
